Whether you’re binge-watching The Office or just need a quirky caption for Instagram, Michael Scott is the quote king you never knew you needed. From hilariously inappropriate lines to unexpected pearls of wisdom, he’s a legend of one-liners. 📺✨
In this article, we’ll give you 39 sections packed with 5 unique quotes each—that’s 195 unforgettable Michael Scott quotes to make you laugh, cringe, or both. You’ll also find tone tips, caption ideas, and even advice on when to use these gems. Buckle up, that’s what she said.
1. Classic Michael Scott Quotes 😎
- “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
- “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both.”
- “I am Beyoncé, always.”
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”
- “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!”
Best Pick:
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – The perfect opener for someone who lives on vibes and vague logic.
2. Funny Michael Scott Captions for Instagram 📸
- “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”
- “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.”
- “This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here.”
- “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked.”
- “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.”
Best Pick:
“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Pair this with vacation pics, obviously.
3. Awkwardly Funny Quotes by Michael Scott 😬
- “I’m not a hero. I’m a diet coke–loving boss.”
- “Dwight, you ignorant slut!”
- “I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say, but yes.”
- “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott.”
- “My mind is going a mile an hour.”
Best Pick:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott.” – Use this to inspire…or confuse.
4. Motivational Michael Scott Quotes 🏆
- “I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
- “I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
- “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering.”
- “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.”
- “I am a friend first, boss second. Probably an entertainer third.”
Best Pick:
“I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Great for pep talks or self-affirmation… with a twist.
5. Michael Scott Quotes for Work Emails 💼
- “I’m not a bad guy. I’m just underappreciated and over-caffeinated.”
- “Did I stutter?”
- “I love inside jokes. I hope to be part of one someday.”
- “The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.”
- “I am dead inside.”
Best Pick:
“The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.” – Perfect for passive-aggressive email endings.
6. Michael Scott Quotes About Friendship 🤝
- “You all took a life here today. The life of the party.”
- “I want today to be a celebration of your talent… and a eulogy of your friendships.”
- “Friends joke with one another. ‘Hey, you’re poor.’ ‘Hey, your momma’s dead.’ That’s what friends do.”
- “You don’t call retarded people retards. It’s bad taste. You call your friends retards when they’re acting retarded.”
- “Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a Coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they’re unflinchingly rigid.”
Best Pick:
“You all took a life here today. The life of the party.” – Ideal for a roast toast at a BFF’s party.
7. Michael Scott Quotes on Leadership 🧠
- “Do I have a special someone? Well, yeah, of course. A boss. My employees.”
- “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
- “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things.”
- “A good manager doesn’t fire people. He hires and inspires them.”
- “You should never settle for who you are.”
Best Pick:
“A good manager doesn’t fire people. He hires and inspires them.” – Inspire your team, confuse your HR.
8. Romantic Michael Scott Quotes 💘
- “I love you like a fat kid loves cake.”
- “I’m in love with you. I don’t know how else to say it.”
- “I want to be wine and dined, then sixty-nined.”
- “Engaged ain’t married.”
- “Holly is my clean-up woman. She’s the one.”
Best Pick:
“I want to be wine and dined, then sixty-nined.” – Only for the bold and the brave.
9. Michael Scott Breakup Quotes 💔
- “I’m not crying, okay? I’m allergic to jerks!”
- “My heart is very full. It’s full of sadness.”
- “I’m gonna be fine. Just fine. Totally fine. cries“
- “You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”
- “Dwight, get out of my nook!”
Best Pick:
“You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?” – For that sarcastic breakup Instagram caption.
10. Michael Scott’s Weirdest Quotes 😵💫
- “I understand nothing.”
- “It’s not like booze ever killed anyone.”
- “I am fast. To give you a reference point, I’m somewhere between a snake and a mongoose.”
- “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.”
- “Abraham Lincoln once said, ‘If you’re a racist, I will attack you with the North.’”
Best Pick:
“I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” – Mood. Every Monday.
11. Michael Scott’s Deep Thoughts 🤔
- “Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.”
- “Sometimes we just have to accept the fact that certain things are never meant to be.”
- “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.”
- “You ever talk to someone and realize you were never really friends?”
- “When I discovered YouTube, I didn’t work for five days.”
Best Pick:
“I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” – LinkedIn caption ready!
12. Michael Scott Quotes About Office Life 🖨️
- “It’s never too early for ice cream.”
- “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.”
- “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.”
- “The thing about a practical joke is that you have to know when to start as well as when to stop.”
- “I love this company.”
Best Pick:
“I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.” – Send this with your next timesheet.
13. Michael Scott’s Cringe Comedy Gold 😬😂
- “That’s what she said!”
- “I consider myself a great philanderer.”
- “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss who’s always trying to teach people things.”
- “I’m not a millionaire. I thought I was a millionaire. I just found out I’m not a millionaire.”
- “It’s a good thing Russia doesn’t exist anymore.”
Best Pick:
“That’s what she said!” – Still undefeated. Still dangerous.
14. Michael Scott Quotes About Success 🏅
- “I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
- “You have no idea how high I can fly.”
- “I am a great interviewer. Why? Because I have something no one else has: experience. And personality.”
- “Success is simply the absence of failure.”
- “The most sacred thing I do is care. I care too much.”
Best Pick:
“You have no idea how high I can fly.” – For your promotion celebration post.
15. Michael Scott on Being Misunderstood 🫤
- “I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
- “I am not to be truffled with.”
- “I’m an enigma. A mystery wrapped in a riddle.”
- “I’m the real victim here. My heart has been stabbed… with a knife.”
- “I tried to talk to Toby and it was like talking to a brick wall.”
Best Pick:
“I’m the real victim here. My heart has been stabbed… with a knife.” – When no one gets your genius
16. Michael Scott’s Holiday Quotes 🎄
- “Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It’s like this tangible thing you can point to and say, ‘Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth.’”
- “Holidays are for fun. That’s why they call them holi-days, not work-i-days.”
- “Happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party’s so lame.”
- “I got a big box, yes I do. I got a big box, how ‘bout you?”
- “Diwali is like Indian Halloween, but with less candy and more dancing.”
Best Pick:
“Happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party’s so lame.” – Use this on Christmas Eve to stir the eggnog.
17. Michael Scott Quotes on Love 💞
- “Love is the water of life, and a drunk man once told me it’s also the water of tequila.”
- “When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are gonna be right about that.”
- “I am in love with you. And I don’t care if I look stupid.”
- “I think the only thing that’s ever made me feel really special is you.”
- “I never really thought I’d find someone. But then I did.”
Best Pick:
“I am in love with you. And I don’t care if I look stupid.” – Bold? Yes. Michael? Always.
18. Michael Scott’s Quotes on Confidence 💪
- “You know what? I am going to start telling people what I want. I want a hot body. I want an amazing office. I want a trophy.”
- “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott.”
- “I am Beyoncé, always.”
- “I am not to be truffled with.”
- “I am a catch. And I am not going to apologize for it.”
Best Pick:
“I am Beyoncé, always.” – Peak confidence. Channel it before your next big meeting.
19. Michael Scott’s Office Antics 🧃
- “Dwight, you ignorant slut!”
- “I live by one rule: no office romances… unless it’s with the hot temp.”
- “I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.”
- “I hate so much about the things that you choose to be.”
- “Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life.”
Best Pick:
“I have cause. It is beCAUSE I hate him.” – For when HR is watching.
20. Michael Scott’s Best Roast Material 🔥
- “You are the reason I drink every morning. Coffee, but still.”
- “Andy, you’re like a little brother I never wanted and can’t give away.”
- “You’re like the guy who brings a guitar to a party and then doesn’t know how to play it.”
- “Your ideas are like unicorns—magical and completely useless.”
- “You couldn’t handle my undivided attention, so I divided it.”
Best Pick:
“Your ideas are like unicorns—magical and completely useless.” – For polite destruction.
21. Michael Scott Quotes for Texting 📱
- “I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?”
- “Hey! I’m texting you back. That’s leadership.”
- “How the turntables…”
- “You just got Jammed!”
- “I’m not superstitious, just text-crazy.”
Best Pick:
“I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?” – Use this when someone leaves you on read.
22. Michael Scott Life Advice Quotes 🧘
- “Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.”
- “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.”
- “There’s no such thing as an appropriate joke. That’s why it’s a joke.”
- “I say dance, they say how high?”
- “You should never settle for who you are.”
Best Pick:
“The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.” – Life coaching, Michael style.
23. Michael Scott’s Quotes About Dwight 💼🔫
- “Dwight, you ignorant slut!”
- “Dwight is special. He’s like a… Swiss Army knife that only works half the time.”
- “Dwight will do anything to win. Even stab you in the front.”
- “He’s like a weird cousin that lives in the attic and never learned boundaries.”
- “Sometimes Dwight does things that make me think he’s not human.”
Best Pick:
“Dwight will do anything to win. Even stab you in the front.” – True love, the Dunder Mifflin way.
24. Michael Scott’s Savage Lines 🥶
- “I want you to rub butter on my foot… while you serve me breakfast.”
- “I am not to be managed. I am to be worshiped.”
- “You couldn’t handle me if I came with instructions.”
- “I’m not being dramatic. I’m being me.”
- “You’re like a cloud. When you go away, it’s a beautiful day.”
Best Pick:
“You’re like a cloud. When you go away, it’s a beautiful day.” – Ouch, and wow.
25. Michael Scott Quotes for Graduation Speeches 🎓
- “You have no idea how high you can fly.”
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.”
- “I knew exactly what to do, but in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
- “Catch you on the flippity flip!”
- “I am not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
Best Pick:
“You have no idea how high you can fly.” – Every valedictorian should channel this
26. Michael Scott Quotes for Instagram Captions 📸
- “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!” – Because chaos deserves a square crop.
- “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.”
- “I am Beyoncé, always.”
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going.”
- “You have no idea how high I can fly.”
Best Pick:
“I am Beyoncé, always.” – Works with glam selfies or just microwaved mac ‘n cheese.
27. Michael Scott Quotes About Work Ethics 💼
- “I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon—sue me.”
- “I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.”
- “This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here.”
- “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked.”
- “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”
Best Pick:
“I am about to do something very bold in this job that I’ve never done before: try.” – Put this on your office mug.
28. Michael Scott Quotes for Tough Days 🌧️
- “I’m not crying, okay? I’m allergic to jerks!”
- “I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
- “You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”
- “My heart is very full. It’s full of sadness.”
- “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering.”
Best Pick:
“I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” – For when the coffee’s weak and so are you.
29. Michael Scott Quotes for Emails ✉️
- “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.”
- “Boom. Roasted.”
- “Please don’t send me those disgusting pictures. Unless it’s urgent.”
- “You have no idea how high I can fly.”
- “I am not a hero. I am a mere defender of the office.”
Best Pick:
“Boom. Roasted.” – Use as a closing line if you dare.
30. Michael Scott’s Most Underrated Lines 🧐
- “You don’t know me. You just saw my penis.”
- “Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.”
- “Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss who’s always trying to teach people things.”
- “I am a victim of a hate crime. That’s not what a hate crime is? Well, I hated it.”
- “I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.”
Best Pick:
“Tell him to call me ASAP as possible.” – Michael-ese for ‘urgent’.
31. Michael Scott Quotes to Motivate You 🔥
- “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott.”
- “The people that you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.”
- “I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.”
- “You have no idea how high I can fly.”
- “There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.”
Best Pick:
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott.” – The GOAT of misattributions.
32. Michael Scott’s Most Iconic Sayings 🏆
- “That’s what she said!”
- “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.”
- “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!”
- “I am Beyoncé, always.”
- “You have no idea how high I can fly.”
Best Pick:
“That’s what she said!” – Forever relevant. Forever inappropriate.
33. Michael Scott’s Quotes About Money 💵
- “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!”
- “I took out multiple loans to keep this company afloat. I am the American Dream.”
- “Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car.”
- “I’m not a millionaire. I thought I was a millionaire. I just found out I’m not a millionaire.”
- “If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice.” (Not really about money, but still priceless.)
Best Pick:
“I’m not a millionaire. I thought I was a millionaire. I just found out I’m not a millionaire.” – End-of-month mood.
34. Michael Scott’s Dumbest Smart Quotes 🤓
- “The worst thing about prison was the Dementors.”
- “I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.”
- “I saved a life. My own.”
- “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.”
- “Am I a hero? I really can’t say, but yes.”
Best Pick:
“I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” – Confidently incorrect.
35. Michael Scott One-Liners 🎯
- “Dwight, you ignorant slut!”
- “I am Beyoncé, always.”
- “That’s what she said!”
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going.”
- “Catch you on the flippity flip.”
Best Pick:
“Catch you on the flippity flip.” – Goodbye has never sounded cooler.
36. Michael Scott Quotes About Teamwork 🧑🤝🧑
- “The people you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.”
- “I want today to be a celebration of your talent… and a eulogy of your friendships.”
- “We’re all homies.”
- “If I had to choose between a one-night stand or a team-building exercise, I’d choose team-building.”
- “This is a collaborative space… so stop breathing my air.”
Best Pick:
“The people you work with are, when you get down to it, your very best friends.” – Who needs family when you have accounting?
37. Michael Scott Quotes About Regret 🕳️
- “I should have burned this place down when I had the chance.”
- “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.”
- “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going.”
- “I regret nothing. The end.”
- “You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?”
Best Pick:
“I regret nothing. The end.” – Perfect last words.
38. Michael Scott Farewell Quotes 👋
- “It’s just… hard to say goodbye.”
- “Goodbye, my friends. You have been the best.”
- “It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later. Unless I don’t.”
- “Catch you on the flippity flip.”
- “I’m leaving. That’s what’s up.”
Best Pick:
“Catch you on the flippity flip.” – Roll out with flair.
39. Michael Scott Quotes to Live By 🌟
- “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
- “You have no idea how high I can fly.”
- “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked.”
- “I am Beyoncé, always.”
- “The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.”
Best Pick:
“The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.” – The ultimate life flex.
✅ Conclusion
Michael Scott might be a fictional character, but his quotes? Real gold. Whether you’re spicing up your group chat, posting a meme, or writing your own farewell speech, the man’s got lines for days. 💬
From leadership gems to “that’s what she said,” Michael’s iconic words have carved out a permanent seat in pop culture—and your Instagram captions. So go ahead, use them boldly, laugh loudly, and when in doubt… Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
